02.25.2014

The Difference Between First Love & True Love

 

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When you fall in love for the first time, you automatically believe that it’s true –  that it’s the be-all-end-all love you’ve been waiting for, that you’ll be with that guy forever one way or another. But as reality is quick to show us, most of the time that’s not how it ends up. Usually, all they will ever be is that one person out of billions on earth who will always be the first person you gave your heart to completely. Nothing more, nothing less. But at the time, before it all tragically ends, you really can’t decipher the difference between the “first” and the “one true love.” So how can you know which kind of love you’re dealing with, or if your first love and true love are the same person? It’s hard to know for sure but here are some things to consider.

I am glad it cannot happen twice, the fever of first love. For it is a fever, and a burden, too, whatever the poets may say. – Daphne du Maurier 

First Love

  • Entirely consumes your whole life. They are your everything.
  • Fighting with them literally feels like the worst thing that can happen. And your fights are usually jealous, childish, and ridiculously embarrassing.
  • Not being able to be around them all the time is only somewhat bearable.
  • You fell in love with each other very quickly – like 3 days quick, to the point where your friends were like WTF
  • You can’t go 10 seconds without thinking about them.
  • You often find yourself worrying about what would happen if you found out they were cheating on you.
  • Even the most glaring of faults with that person don’t seem like a big deal to you, and you get super defensive when your loved ones question you about them.
  • You put them, and your relationship, on a pedestal. They’re more important than most of your other relationships.
  • You know if you break up it will feel like the end of the world. You think you couldn’t possibly love anyone else more than that person, even if you know you could do better.
  • They feel dangerous and exciting.

I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you. – Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

True Love

  • You feel the most “you” around them, and never have to walk on egg shells with what you say.
  • You rarely fight, and when you disagree on something you can actually have a rational conversation about it.
  • They are your best friend, literally. You can run around without make up on and fart on them and they won’t even think twice about it because you’re such bros.
  • You never worry about them actually cheating on you.
  • You don’t hold things against each other.
  • They encourage you to go after your dreams, no matter where they might take you.
  • You actually enjoy hanging out with each other’s friends.
  • Just like in Corinthians, true love really is patient and kind and not boastful – no matter how cliché it may sound.
  • They feel safe and happy.

When someone is “the one” they will see your faults and love you in spite of them. They won’t leave you because you aren’t religious enough, or skinny enough, or you smoke too much, or whatever “deal breaker” you might have…assuming you aren’t a raging drug addict or can’t keep your saucisson out of other girls’ lunchboxes, because then they probably should leave you. I mean, hello.

I guess the biggest difference I’ve noticed between first love and true love is that your true love brings out the best version of you. A relationship with the right guy is much more fulfilling and much less dramatic than your first love, and leaves room for you to still be your own person instead of consuming your whole life. They support you always even if you’re wrong. Our first loves are flashy, overly passionate, and unrealistic. Our true love comes into our lives much more carefully and slowly, so you actually get to understand and love every part of that person, and can build something worth lasting. You realize that not only would it be feasible to spend forever with them, it’d actually be super enjoyable…which is something most of us can’t say about our first loves. Of course, there are always the exceptions but as for me, I’ll take the second love of my life any day over the first. But thanks to the first, I’ll always appreciate the second much more than I ever would have before.

Comments

  1. Great post! First loves are a once in a lifetime feeling, moment in life. True love will last for a lifetime <3 Or so I've heard lol :P

  2. Darren says:

    I’ve probably experienced love three times in my life. But it for me it was my second love that was my true love, even though we didn’t stay together.

    I was with my first love for around 3 years, my second for about the same time, but my third for nine. Bit none of them came close to my second love. Because in my heart she really is my first and only true love.

    I do however, miss them all, and even though I’ve dated way more than three people in my life, these three are the only ones that count.

    None of them were flashy or over passionate – they were all down to earth and generally very nice people. But ultimately, I believe that with my second love, the chemistry was just right. Whatever it was, it was much stronger and more intense then anyone before or since.

    True love doesn’t always have to last, in that, you don’t have t be together forever to know that the love you shared no matter how breath in reality, can last a life time and beyond.

    Very rarely the person you end up with is your true love. In many cases they are what you settle for, knowing that you could never be with the one that means the world to you.

    This doesn’t mean that you don’t love them, just that it’s impossible to love them in the same way. If you found love that was true but didn’t quiet make it, not because it wasn’t right, but generally because life got in the way, you tend to accept the next best thing, and live off the memories that once were.

    We can’t all live a life with our true loves, because life really isn’t a fairy tale. But you’ll always know when love was true, even if you don’t get to spend your entire life with them. Because no matter how hard you try, a memory can never be forgotten. And every moment of every day that you were together, will be remembered forever.

    Your true love may not be your first, second or third, or whenever. But when it does happen, and even if you don’t stay together, it will always be ‘the one’

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