The Bachelor…it’s the show we all love to hate and hate that we love. It goes against everything we believe (having relationships with multiple people at once? ew), and yet it’s so addicting. I can’t look away even when it’s obnoxious people like Nick and Vanessa (have you ever seen a more fake couple in your life?!) who clearly already want to murder each other.
Nevertheless, there is still something to be learned about relationships from watching The Bachelor. Usually, it’s to do the opposite of what they do. Here’s what the show has reinforced for me.
You Can’t Force Love - No matter how much you want it or how much you’re ready, you can’t force love. You can’t just will your perfect match into existence. You can’t make a list of all the qualities you want and expect someone to drop out of the sky. I’m not saying don’t try to meet people; obviously you have to leave your house to have the possibility of finding your person. But don’t let your quest to hurry up and find the one overtake your life. Have fun being you and know the universe is taking care of it. As obnoxious as it is to hear when you’re single, it really is true: love finds you when you aren’t looking for it. Why? Prob because you don’t wreak of desperation.
Pick the “Easy Love” - This is something I will never understand. Why do people insist that love is “hard” and that it’s so much “work”? IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE. I will stick by this no matter what because I know it to be true: the right love is not hard. It’s easy. It’s like breathing. It’s being with your best friend. Is being with your best friend hard? NO. If it is, you’re chilling with the wrong people. Raven’s dad’s prayer for her to find easy love was perfect. It is the best thing you could ever hope for for yourself and those you love. Life is hard enough. Your love shouldn’t be.
Love is Not Enough - With that being said, love is not enough to make things last. It just isn’t! If you’re in the midst of one of those hard, life-altering, “this is work” relationships then you know this. Deep down everyone does. There has to be more to a relationship than just love and daydreams for it to work. Wait for your soul mate. Wait for your easy love. That is when you have the time and energy to build something that is enough and can last forever. And just because something requires time and energy doesn’t mean it’s hard or work. It’s not. When it’s the right person, doing those things are second nature and make you feel alive.
Compromise is a Must - Duh. But I’m going to say it anyway because Nick missed a billion blatantly obvious red flags with Vanessa, which we’ve all done before. If someone in a relationship is not willing to compromise, then you’re done. End of story. And it should be equal compromising – not just one person giving up everything.
Getting Engaged Quickly Is Stupid - It’s the dumbest! I know the proposal is what makes The Bachelor franchise so fun to watch, but it’s really stupid. More of them should just choose to continue on as boyfriend/girlfriend instead of feeling the pressure to propose to someone after three months. Most of us know getting engaged quickly is a terrible idea, but it can be hard to remember that in the heat of a whirlwind romance. Honestly though, has anyone ever regretted waiting over a year (which still seems really fast, let’s be real) to get engaged? It just makes it that much more meaningful when it does finally happen.
What have you learned from The Bachelor?